We stand together....

What have I done?

 

As a new mum, I feel like I have to ask myself the question above. I have brought an innocent child into a world, in which evil runs free and hides in plain sight.

 

I sat and cried this morning; I read the news and felt myself break inside. Those poor children, the families in attendance have been victim to a cowardly attack by someone who has nothing but hate in his heart!

 

I sat and spoke with my partner this morning as we tried to digest the reports flooding in about the poor souls lost to a terror attack at Manchester Arena. My BF actually said, I am scared to take her anywhere or do anything with her. My response to his fears, was, “That is what these terrorists want”, and I truly believe that. They want fear, disorder and chaos… they thrive on it. Terror is how these extremist’s get a stronghold, they use it to their benefit. Retaliations against one side, then fuel the beliefs of the other, the way things are going right now it will never end! It is a vicious cycle. It’s just unfortunate that nowadays with technology, this enemy is finding it way too easy to hide in plain sight and use social media to its advantage.

 

How do you cope with the crippling fear that something will happen to your child?  I mean I am 100% worse than most as with part of my diagnosis of Anxiety is that I Catastrophise. I always think of the worst case scenario, which is why I avoid large crowds of people etc. But at the same time – I don’t want to pass these irrational (I know that they are irrational at least) fears onto my daughter. I want her to grow up confident and sure of herself, independent and also caring; but will this just lead to problems…? Here I go again with the worrying…

 

Due to last nights atrocity we likely have a whole generation of children that are going to be afraid of going to concerts. Just this morning I heard a radio presenter stating that his daughter asked him if anything would happen at the Olly Murs concert she was going to… it’s heart-breaking that this coward attacked in the first place, but that he actually targeted an event with a large audience of children… its despicable, and there is no rationalising that.

 

My theory is that if we allow ourselves to become shut ins and we allow the fear to stop us doing what we do, then the terrorists are winning. So all we can do is Keep Calm and Carry On. They want to cause divide in communities – so stand together. We need to at this point. It is also worth pointing out that Muslim’s are not responsible for this attack; the extremists are. It is highly likely that some of the emergency services and first responders/ doctors/nurses etc that helped the wounded last night were muslim… So targeting innocent people for their religion will not resolve anything, it will only divide us more.

 

I just hope that our children and our children’s children find a way to make this world a better place, to work together to look after their neighbour and to try and come up with solutions to all of these problems.

Mum's at war...

So I saw a story in a national newspaper and it really hit me like a ton of bricks - a newspaper article about the rise of the "Slummy Mummy". The mum who posts about sticking fish fingers in the oven or having a glass of Gin to wind down after a particular rough day!!!

This really bothered me. Who has the right to judge someone on how they parent their child? If I choose to parent a certain way, or choose to do something differently to another family that doesn't make what I do wrong. It makes it different. If your child is healthy, happy, clean, fed, clothed and educational needs are being met; then who is to say you are not a good enough mum? Just because you don't have the time to prepare a home cooked meal, or you forget to sort an outfit for world book day! 

It really bugs me that people cast these unrealistic expectations on mothers and fathers these days. So I don't get dressed some days and hang around in lounge pants. I work full time, and then come home to look after my child. Jesus Christ I am lucky if I get a shower during the week! Never mind anything else.

The other day I had a panic about the safety of shopping trolleys designed to seat a baby with no brakes on it. So I made a post on a group I'm in and was literally torn to shreds. I was told I had no common sense, that I was endangering my child by leaving her in the car seat to get aforementioned trolley (which was in front of the car BTW it was less distance to reach the trolley than the back door). I couldn't believe it. Why hadn't I carried my child to the trolley, done my shopping and then unloaded it and then carried her back to the car.

Whoa whoa whoa! I was worried about the trolley rolling while I had my back turned (which it did as I took my daughter out of the car) I had to then chase it into oncoming traffic to stop it hitting another car. My worry was what if she'd have been in the trolley?

Regardless of what could or couldn't have happened, who gives these people to judge how I care for my child. She was never in danger, and although I struggle with everyday tasks due to constant pain, I'd have thrown myself into the path of an oncoming vehicle to avoid anything happening to her.

But I felt I had to justify myself to these people I don't know! I saw a chance to improve safety, and I was ridiculed, bullied and laughed at for not being able to juggle my daughter, shopping bags, a trolley and the straps on a car seat! Fuck you! Who sets these standards and says everyone has to be a perfect mum? I'm sure if the trolley had crashed into someone's car and scratched the paintwork it would have been a different story. 

Name me a mum who has time to groom themselves every morning? I mean my work trousers today are so creased. But trying to silently iron them this morning so as not to disturb the sleeping baby in the next room because she'd scream all morning for daddy. Who cares? because I don't? Not anymore? There is something hugely more important in my life. I rarely wear make up. My hair is always scraped back and I'm about 5 stone overweight! I'm a slummy mummy! But hell I get up every morning and go to work to provide for my daughter and the love of my life. 

No one is perfect, everyone has flaws and everyone is entitled to them. I will no longer look to others to see if I am doing things right. I will go with the flow and trust my instincts.

I wish women would just band together and lift each other up, rather than taking every opportunity to pull shreds of each other. The media does a good enough job of body shaming, mummy shaming, shaming people on their postcodes and so on.

Women need to stick together and be kinder to each other. I'm writing this in solidarity with "The Unmumsy Mum" an other real life mummy bloggers like myself.

We don't have access to house keepers! We don't have nannies! Personal Chefs etc. Personally I get woken around midnight to feed my baby, 4am is her new playtime - so I have to try and settle her too. 7am is when I leave the house to got to work. 5pm is usually when I get home, then I try to cook a meal for myself, feed my daughter her tea and then it's bedtime. Where over the course of that day do I get time to prepare lovingly home cooked meals, or hit the gym for an hour?

I get maybe 2 hours maximum to myself a day during the week. Some days I look at the laundry, the pots on the side. The recycling that needs putting in the bin and feel energetic enough to tackle it. Others I just grab a glass of wine or a gin and tonic and head for the sofa!